It’s 7:00 a.m., and Tony Greenhand is rolling the biggest joint you’ve ever seen. He hasn’t cooked breakfast, gone for a run, or read the news — he may or may not have even changed out of pajamas.
He’s surrounded by about an eighth’s-worth of cannabis crumbs, a mishmash of rolling tools, and an ashtray full of roaches. Another burning joint hangs from his mouth. It’s not his first of the day, and it’s far from his last. He’ll continue smoking and rolling, with manic energy and few to no breaks, until he goes to bed again tonight. In the space of a few years, he’s become the greatest joint roller in the world.
A confluence of forces both within and beyond his control — from Greenhand’s Herculean work ethic to the mainstreaming of cannabis as a lifestyle commodity — have catapulted him to a level of cannabis celebrity that, not so long ago, would have been impossible. Today, he’s made the nascent world of legal cannabis his playground. Greenhand has reached a point where he can — and will — roll just about anything, whether it’s his grandma fighting a tiger or a macaroni noodle riding a hot dog. “I want a million people to smoke these,” he says, looking up from the two-and-a-half-ounce joint sculpture he’s currently shaping, of Mike Tyson eating a smokable avocado with a smokable spoon. “I want everybody to smoke Mike Tyson.”
A Pro Roller’s Daily Grind
With a name known throughout the industry and a celeb-strewn clientele including the likes of Tommy Chong, B.o.B., and The Flatbush Zombies, you might anticipate finding Greenhand in an LA penthouse, puffing on gold-wrapped blunts and living the 20-something stoner dream. Instead, I tracked him down living unassumingly with his girlfriend Courtney, an array of chickens (Blue Andalusian, Speckled Sussex, Crested Polish, Silver Laced Wyandotte), and two pitbull mixes in a fixer-upper tucked away down a side street in the small town of Albany, OR. He welcomes visitors to his home with an openness and joie de vivre that’s contagious from the moment you walk in. Easy to talk to, joke with, smoke with: he’s the cool stoner-artist friend we all wish we had.
On average, Greenhand consumes 20 joints (1.5g with 0.3g concentrate), five blunts (3–9g each), countless dabs, and six cups of coffee every day.
Greenhand alternates between joints, blunts, dabs, and coffee from dawn to dusk. If friends stop by, he’ll likely smoke more. His energy is boundless and yet at the same time he’s the chillest guy in the room. Tony Greenhand is not his real name (he keeps that to himself). His favorite strain is God’s Gift. His favorite munchies are salt and vinegar chips. (Also Cheez-It Grooves. Also Kazoozles. Also Atkins diet lemon bars.) He attends myriad cannabis cups and industry events. When he’s in nearby Portland, he frequents the dab bar at Northwest Cannabis Club. When he’s not rolling a joint, “I’m normally smoking a joint. If I’m not smoking a joint, I’m probably looking for some weed to roll into a joint.” He also hikes, plays with his dogs, plays Call of Duty (find him as xTonyGreenhandx), and works on remodeling his house (having recently finished the bathroom, the kitchen — its walls currently torn out — is next).
When you’re rolling multi-ounce joints, a food processor is easier than a grinder. (David Alvarado for Leafly)
After Greenhand dropped out of high school, he was told by many that he wouldn’t amount to much. It hasn’t taken him long to prove them wrong. Even Greenhand himself is in disbelief over what he does for a living. At 27, meetings with major talent agencies, filming his process for a reality show, and dealing in his unique art pieces worth thousands of dollars are all his norm — he even has an apprentice. “I never really wanted to do it professionally,” he says of creative rolling. “People just wanted me to do it … [and suddenly] this is a job.” When prompted to state his occupation for a video clip we’re filming, it’s clear he hasn’t given it much thought.
“I don’t know how I would describe who I am…I mean, I’m Tony Greenhand, and I roll joints. I’m a joint specialist? I roll joints for a living. I dunno.” He takes a breath and tries again. “My name’s Tony Greenhand, and I’m a joint specialist slash joint roller slash cannabis breeder slash cannabis entrepreneur slash—” he stops abruptly and holds up the joint he’s smoking to two off-screen companions, “—does anybody wanna hit this?”
● ● ●