Smoke This, Watch That: Movie and TV Picks for July 2017

Movies and strains, strains and movies, you know why I’m here. I’ve spent the past month watching Netflix when I should be sleeping, and it’s all for you. You. All of you that need to know what to smoke and what to watch when you should be doing literally anything but. This is Smoke This, Watch That for July 2017. *sets off fireworks*

Strains to Enjoy

Skywalker

Leafly Skywalker indica <strong>cannabis</strong> strain

I’ve been smoking a lot of this lately and so far the score is Skywalker – Win, Dante – Lose. It always melts my face and leaves me stuck for hours. Skywalker is one of those “I’m high and could smoke another, but if I smoke another, I might be TOO high” strains.

Alien Dawg

Leafly Alien Dawg indica <strong>cannabis</strong> strain

Alien Dawg packs quite the punch. It’s a strain that hits you with a strong body high, which goes just right with a movie night.

Tahoe OG Kush

Leafly Tahoe OG Kush hybrid <strong>cannabis</strong> strain

I smoked Tahoe OG Kush a few months ago and I’m pretty sure I’m still high from it. Like, I see the strain and have flashbacks of the buzz. It was intense. If you’re looking to get stoned and be extremely lazy and unconcerned, this is the strain for you.

What to Watch on Netflix in July 2017

War on Everyone (2016)

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Genre: Action/comedy (movie)

Mood: Is This Really Funny or Am I Just Really High

War on Everyone is a one of those stupid-ass movies that you aren’t sure is funny or if you’re just really stoned so everything’s funny. I’d say it’s more of the former. Starring Alexander Skarsgård and Michael Peña, it’s basically about two corrupt cops who go around ruining everything until they run into a foe who’s more powerful than them. What’s funny about it is that deep down, the movie’s purpose is just to take shots at everything stupid about the world (racism, sexism, police corruption, etc). It’s definitely not the best of movies, but it’s pretty enjoyable to watch when stoned.

Standoff (2016)

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Genre: Drama/thriller (movie)

Mood: I Just Want to Get High and Stare at Something That’ll Keep My Attention

Standoff is a movie starring Laurence Fishburne and some other dude who I won’t take the time to look up because you wouldn’t know who he is, anyway. It’s about a war veteran and an assassin who have a, well, standoff in the veteran’s house over the life of a little girl who witnessed the assassin’s killings. It’s one of those movies that you know isn’t the best movie, but you still watch because it has a good movie feel. You know what I mean? You don’t mind it.

Cradle 2 the Grave (2003)

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Genre: Action/crime/drama (movie)

Mood: I Need a Good Bad Movie

Cradle 2 the Grave is one of those movies that’s terrible, but you love it because of what it represents. DMX and Jet Li combine to make a movie that’s about a jewel thief (DMX, because Hollywood and black, of course) whose daughter gets kidnapped after he steals the wrong diamonds from the wrong man. This causes him to team up with Jet Li, a cop from Taiwan who’s also out to get the diamonds. That’s pretty much the gist, but really, it’s just a movie about Jet Li running around the city and beating up people. The fight scenes are the main part of the movie and they are so funny, man. It’s also star-studded with Gabby Union, Anthony Anderson, and others. Get high and watch a bad classic.

Mac & Devin Go to High School (2012)

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Genre: Comedy (movie)

Mood: I Need a Stoner Flick in My System

This is basically a buddy-stoner movie starring Wiz Khalifa as a perfect student nerd-type character who has lived no types of fun life. He runs into Snoop Dogg’s character, who’s basically the black version of a high school Van Wilder, and Snoop shows him the type of life that opens up after you start using cannabis. The movie is narrated by a talking joint with a lot of personality. It really is the epitome of a stoner flick. Enjoy.

World of Compulsive Hoarders (2007)

Editor’s note: I couldn’t find a trailer for this one, but I did find a video on YouTube called “Poop DyNasty: A Tale of Two Hoarders,” which I figure is in the same disgusting ballpark. Enjoy.

Genre: Documentary (movie)

Mood: I Want to Watch Something That Makes Me Feel Normal

Dude, this documentary is disgusting and wild. These people fill their houses up with all kinds of trash to combat whatever mental and social disorders that have. But in doing so, they live very lonely lives because the hoarding pushes everyone away. There’s even a dude who’s collected like three years of human waste. Like I said, it’s disgusting and wild. Feel free to watch it, then realize your problems aren’t as a big as they seem.

What the Health (2017)

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Genre: Documentary (movie)

Mood: I Want to Get High and Be Freaked Out About My Diet

What the Health was a suggestion from a friend of mine that I peeped a few nights ago. It’s one of those food docs that shows you that you’re probably going to die because you’ve spent all these years eating meat and dairy and all kinds of other things that aren’t good for the human body. At the end of it, you’ll wonder if it’s time to make a change; ORRRR, you’ll be like me and say, “Eh, I’ll choose chips and queso over living a long life any day of the week.”

The Imposter (2012)

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Genre: Documentary (movie)

Mood: I Want to Get High, Then Have My Mind Blown

I don’t want to tell you too much about this one because it’s so amazing to watch without knowing anything. It’s a doc about a kid that disappears, then years later reappears. Only thing is, the man who reappears is not that kid. The family that he returns to has absolutely no clue. That’s all I’ll tell you. Watch it, man. What and how the hell?

Rory Scovel Tries Stand-Up for the First Time (2017)

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Genre: Stand-up comedy special

Mood: I Want to Watch a Comedian I’ve Never Seen Before

I don’t know who this dude is, but I was high as hell and had tears streaming down my face. It’s not even what he’s saying, it’s how he says it. The first like 10 minutes, he’s wearing this jacket and making jokes about it, and it’s soooo funny. He’s one of those comics who isn’t necessarily telling jokes, he’s just talking, but it all feels the same. Check it out. You’ll be glad you did.

Jo Koy: Live From Seattle (2017)

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Genre: Stand-up comedy special

Mood: I Want to Watch an Old Comedian Whose New Special Doesn’t Suck

Jo Koy’s always been one of my favorite comedians. He’s finally back with some new material in his Live From Seattle special. If you know him, you already know what to expect: jokes about his mom, his son, and life as an Asian-American. Yet, again, if you know him, you know it’s always funny. His Don’t Make Him Angry is still hilarious, and Live From Seattle measures up as well.

F is for Family (2015 – present)

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Genre: Animated comedy series (TV)

Mood: I Want to Laugh at Not What I’m Watching, But What It Makes Me Think About

Two seasons deep, F is for Family is Bill Burr’s show about, well, the life of a poor white family whose money troubles cause a bunch of family issues. That’s as simple as I can put it. The parents are always on the brink of divorce, the kids are also fucking up, everything is always bad, and yet, the show is still hilarious. Frank Murphy is one of the funniest characters I’ve ever seen. Dude’s so angry, and so aggressive. But of course he is; that’s how Bill Burr gets down.

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