Eating food with chopsticks is like an 8 out of 10 on the eating utensil difficulty scale. The dexterity and coordination required to convey food from the plate to my open mouth is a feat I once believed best left to the steady hands of a surgeon. But once mastered, chopsticks can be the single most useful piece of ancient technology you ever own. Their place at the table and in the kitchen is only the beginning of their magnificent utility, and as a cannabis consumer, they have turned my half-baked snacking routine into an exercise in motor skill mastery.
Here are a few foods I recommend eating with chopsticks after (or while) enjoying fine cannabis products of your choosing.
Examples: Spicy Nacho Doritos, Funyuns, Tim’s Cascade Sea Salt & Vinegar
These types of chips are often covered in flavor powder or are greasy and fried (and delicious!). But by snatching these crunchy devils up with a pair of chopsticks, the residual flavoring that would have ended up on your fingertips (and subsequently everything you touched afterward) now ends up in your mouth.
Bonus: Small to medium-sized chip bags usually fit chopsticks perfectly. (Based on 9-inch chopsticks.)
Examples: Sour Jelly Belly Jelly Beans, Trader Joe’s Scandinavian Swimmers, Hi-Chews
Fruity candy made this list because fruity candy makes up a third of the blocks in my food pyramid. Also, while doing “research” for this article, I noticed a dramatic decrease in the speed at which I could demolish a haul of candy simply through the use of chopsticks. Cannabis can antagonize a sweet tooth (or savory tooth) and chopsticks might not stop you from eating a pound of sweets, but they might help you stretch it just a little further.
Extra Credit: Undo Hi-Chew or Starburst wrappers with your chopsticks.
Examples: Reese’s Pieces, Whoppers, Heath bar
Chocolate candy tends to melt in your hand and in your mouth, and on the TV remote and possibly in your beard. That last part may come from personal experience, but regardless, chocolate melts when it encounters heat. Enter cold, lifeless chopsticks. Problem solved. Enough said.
Holiday Favorites: If you happen to be the lucky recipient of a holiday sweets tray with English toffee, miniature cookies, peanut brittle, and so on, turn to your trusty chopsticks for a mostly mess-free way to nibble.
Examples: Fiddle Faddle, buttered popcorn with nutritional yeast, or Annie’s Organic White Cheddar Cheese powder
Popcorn should be a staple in any muncher’s go-to snack cabinet. It’s relatively healthy (healthier than fruity candy, anyway — give me a break, okay?) and contains a solid amount of fiber. You can also fancy up popcorn in a ton of different ways, spanning the sweet and the savory. And now, what was once a butter-smeared video game controller is now your mess-free picture of technological Pan-Asian sophistication.
In a Pinch: Chopsticks are usually made of wood, but if you are in desperate need of some roach clips, a pair of chopsticks will more or less fit the bill.
Lastly, as you contemplate whether or not you have earned the title of Chopstick Snack Master, first consider whether or not you have the perfect pair of chopsticks. While I enjoy the raw, classic aesthetic of splintering takeout chopsticks, I now know there is a rainbow of chopstick styles and colors available at certain Asian grocery stores. As a cannabis consumer I love to personalize my glass, my torch, my dabber, and pretty much everything else related to my consumption of cannabis. Why should my chopsticks be any different?
Fun Fact: Using chopsticks correctly is a sign of good breeding. The closer to the top they are held, the more gracious and glamorous your eating style!