From the Bite of Seattle to the Taste of Chicago to the Maine Lobster Fest, outdoor food festivals are a beloved American tradition. They are also heaven on earth for high people, who can indulge their munchies with an astonishing array of foods while enjoying ace people-watching and other entertainments.
This weekend’s Bite of Seattle, for example, features comestibles ranging from deep-fried mac n’ cheese to alligator on a stick, alongside performances from several dozen musical acts.
How do you make the most of being high at a bustling public food festival? Here are five tips.
1. Get yourself high with an appetite-enhancing, spirit-lifting strain
Aiming for a munchie-boosting strain is a no-brainer for cannabis users headed to food fests, but just as important is finding a strain that bestows a relaxing euphoria, rather than a heady intensity. This will help users surf the sometimes-challenging realities of food fests—slowly roaming crowds, frightful Porta Potties—with a minimum of stress.
2. Never say no to a sample
Every vendor at a food fest is there to put their best foot forward, risking hundreds of cruddy Yelp reviews by offering samples of their goods for free to the roaming masses. Repay their generosity and bravery by always saying yes.
You don’t have to eat the whole thing—preserving stomach space is important, and less-than-glorious samples should go directly in the trash—but pretty much everything at a food festival is worth biting once, especially when you’re baked and ready to Experience Flavor. (Vegetarian/vegan/celiac restrictions apply.)
3. Be adventurous
For certain cannabis users, being high can create cravings for the familiar. This urge should be fought at food fests, where you’ll find plenty of familiar foods alongside plenty of unfamiliar foods. Why have a hamburger when you can have an elk burger? Why eat a regular Snickers when you can eat a deep-fried Snickers?
Now is the time to venture outside your comfort zone and aim for delights you can’t get anywhere else, even if it requires antacids and morning-after, stomach-calming bong hits. That said…
4. Don’t eat the entirety of anything you don’t absolutely love
Your stomach space is limited, and consuming the entirety of something you don’t totally enjoy just because you paid for it is a lose-lose situation: You fill your precious stomach with meh, and eating the whole thing doesn’t make it cost less.
All decent humans are wary of wasting food, but food fests demand amnesty from this ideal.
5. Be prepared to avert your eyes
A common component of highness is a heightened sensitivity to visual stimuli—this is why watching Koyaanisqatsi while high is delightful, while watching infomercials about abused animals while high is torture.
At a food fest, high attendees will find a vast array of things to gawk at, and not all of them are conducive to happiness. Among the potential bad-trip imagery: humans chewing food, ant-covered corn cobs lying in the grass, and human feet in flip-flops stepping on a dropped piles of soba noodles.
When things get hairy, look at the sky. Isn’t it beautiful?