How to Have the Perfect 4/20

It’s finally here, people. We waited 365 long days and it wasn’t easy. This past year hasn’t all been good: We elected a melted sleeve of Starburst as president, the Patriots won the Super Bowl, and I’m still confused about how the hell they mistakenly announced La La Land as the Best Picture winner but WE. HAVE. MADE IT.

April 20, 2017, aka 4/20, aka 4-Tweezy is upon us, and I’m so damn hyped.

If your schedule is wide open, meaning you’ve got what I like to call a “Free/20” ahead of you, live it up and strive to execute the perfect day. What should you do? Well, if you love me like I love you, do all the things I would do on this most glorious holiday, in no particular order.

Workout/Sweat/Yoga/Whatever Exercises You Do

First thing I’d do is wake up at about 5:00 a.m. and head to LA Fitness to get a nice little sweaty sweat in. It’s Thursday so it’d be Arms Day, which is my favorite day because the gym mirrors tell all the lies you need to hear when it comes to triceps definition. You’re thinking “5 a.m.? PFFFT!” Yes, 5 a.m., because you’ll have enough time to come back home, shower, hit a bowl, and go back to sleep without losing any of the actual people-are-awake-so-now-I-have-to-rejoin-society part of the day.

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Go to the Aquarium/Zoo

When’s the last time you got aquatic? I know, right?! It’s been a while. Today’s the perfect day to end that streak. I don’t know about you, but I find water calming, and I also have this weird fish obsession because I’m a Pisces.

The aquarium or zoo is also a great place to clear your head. All of the watery sounds and colorful vibes around you, combined with a nice dose of cannabis sativa, will pump a nice lil’ euphoric sensation through your heart vessels.

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Get Your Read On

Hit your local Barnes & Noble or neighborhood bookstore and soak in all the energy of endless information about you. That’s my shit, yo. I go to the Barnes & Noble and write all the time because it has an atmosphere of productivity and people who are striving to better themselves. I need that type of energy around when I’m trying to whip up these Pulitzer-caliber articles. You’d be amazed at how much you can get done in there, and nobody even bothers you. Not only that, but you can also find the perfect quiet spot to chill and enjoy your mellow high for a bit (assuming, of course, that you smoked or vaped before you popped in).

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Take a Canna-Nap

What’s a free day without a nap? Today’s all about rest and relaxation. Life’s about balance, so for every hour you’re productive, you earn an hour of nap time. It’s in the Bill of Rights. Schedule one right around 2:00 p.m. and you’ll have more than enough energy to power smoke through the eighth of Northern Lights at night.

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Pop an Edible (or “Regrettable”)

I’m not an edibles guy, but if you’re going to indulge in one…be my guest. For me, I like them, but I also love food, so I always over-indulged and it’s the death of me. I once ate like 25 of these 15-mg goldfish crackers in California in one sitting and the next thing I knew, it was tomorrow. That story’s the reason I call them “regrettables.”

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Eat Two Huge Meals

Hipster businessman during lunchtime

Screw your diet and all that healthy shit you’ve been eating all week. I know, I know, I’m proud of your hard work, too. But today’s not just any day, and you already got that 5 a.m. workout in so any meal(s) you smash out has already been accounted for. You’re good. You earned it.

You want a pizza? Fuck it, get a large two-topping with four sides of ranch. And as far as I’m concerned, that’s just an appetizer. You have no limits today so make sure you get at least two huuuuuge meals into your digestive system. Your body might hate you tomorrow, but what guarantee do we have that we’ll even live that long? Exactly. *Turns and stares out of a window*

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Smoke @ 4:20 p.m.

I mean, this goes without saying, right?

Go for a Walk

I’m a strong advocate of the pot-walk. Walking around outside with no particular destination is a dope way to clear your head and dive into your thoughts. Load up a dugout with a clean/unclogged one-hitter and hit a couple laps around the block/apartment complex. Not only are you clearing thoughts, you’re also doubling down on the exercise you did this morning. You didn’t even think of that, didya?

Group Smoke

If possible, you have to smoke with the homies. It’s only right. Link up with your people and celebrate this glorious day like the Waldos intended. In my mind, I imagine the entire Leafly staff sitting in a kumbaya circle in the middle of the office while they pass a peace pipe from person to person. There’s Bob Marley instrumentals playing in the background as Ben Adlin mixes up some gluten-free, cannabis-infused funfetti cupcakes in the break room microwave. How’d he make cupcakes in a microwave? No clue. But neither you nor I are in a position to question him.

Editor’s note: This is completely unrealistic and unprofessional. We pass around a vape, not a pipe.

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Cue Up Some Movies/Music

It should go without saying that at some point today you should blast some tuneskis, right? The same goes for knocking out a couple of movies you haven’t watched in a while. Grab your preferred chill time strain, cue up your favorite playlist or film, and sink into the couch for a while.

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Do Something Creative

You know that idea that you’ve been sitting on forever but haven’t actually put any work into because you be bullshittin’? Today’s the perfect day for that to end. Why not make today the day that you finally start that screenplay? Or write that song? Or draw that picture? Paint that portrait? Whatever creative idea you’ve been running from forever?

Why not give it a try? I’ll answer that for you: There is no reason. Light up and have a happy 4/20.

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